enlightenment.

tonight i was sitting in the living room with my dad, and he was watching some war movie. i think that it was called "we were soldiers." he watches war movies all the time and normally i don't pay attention, but for some reason this one caught my attention. at the end of the movie it showed this diary of this Vietnamese man with a picture of his wife in it. the man who wrote it had just been killed by the Americans. what really stuck with me was that this man, who just got shot, was a human.

i don't think that i have ever thought about our enemies that way until just now. i know that this was just a movie and it was made to be dramatic but it got me. lol. in the past, war was war. it was something that we were destined to do because the bible said that in the end times there would be war. but i never thought that the people we would be fighting would be people, people like us. who have family and friends just like we do. who live a life just like me. yeah, our cultures might be different, but they are still people, and Jesus died for them too.

coming to this realization just makes me want to tell everyone about Jesus. there is no time for my petty annoyances. the Lord doesn't want us to prosper just so that we can live good lives. it is so that we will have the resources to go and tell the world that Jesus loves them. it doesn't matter what they believe in or where they are from, they are still human.

this is really changing the way i am thinking about the war in the middle east. i kind of picture them as drones. as lifeless machines that are there just for us to war against. like north Korea, for example. they have been so brainwashed that they literally are drones, but they are people too. yeah, they do not believe in Jesus and are fighting for things that i do not agree with, but that doesn't mean that i should not care about them as people or humans. a human is a human. life is priceless. and to just take that away because they are fighting for the country in which they live. i am not saying that i disagree with war, i am saying that i have been so selfish that i never realized that there were other real people in the world besides America. i have always labeled everyone else with a religion: Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist... never people, people that deserve to hear the word of God. people that the Lord loves and died for.

while is still agree with the war, i will never think of it the same way again.

i have been to Zambia, Africa and Israel. i know that there are people out there. and i care about them very much. it is the ones who hate me just because of what and who i believe in that i never saw this way before, but never again.

Love

So, I have always wanted to journal, but I have always been way to self-conscious of my hand writing because it is not too neat. I have bought numerous journals with cute little flowers and artsy designs all over them and I have also been given some too. But when I sit down to write something I think what if I mess up. What if when I am finished it is not going to look neat. Same with a blog. I feel this odd need to make it, with lack of better words, like my myspace. Where I have foolishly spent hours making it perfect. Just the way I want it to look. But I just came to the conclusion that it is my journal. Who is going to care if it looks artsy or whatever. Most likely no one else is going to see it. So with the inspiration of a few friends I have decided to write down what is in my heart. So, from the beginning I want to make a few promises.
#1 I promise to not make my blog look a certain way just because it might look cool to some people. This is my blog. It should look like what is in my heart not some superficial standards that I have set for myself.
#2 I promise to not write anything just because it sounds cool. I want this blog to be me and what the Lord is doing in me and not my superficial needs to be cool or liked.
#3 I want this blog to express me, but not be about me or my emotions. I want it to be what God has put in my heart and what He is doing in my life.



Well, now that that is out of the way I want to share a little bit of my heart right now.

Love.
Recently I have gained this abundant love in my heart. It was quit all of a sudden. One day I just woke up and I loved everybody. My mom, my dad, my sister, my friends, my co-workers, and especially Jesus. This love that I have for Jesus is something that I have never felt before. I have never loved anything or anyone like this. I have always been a Christian and always known what I was supposed to do. I have always known that He is real and He is there for me but it has never been this real to me. Not necessarily Him being real to me but my love for him being this real. I have found myself being bold in situations where I know three months ago I would have kept my mouth shut. I have caught myself talking about Him in places where it is technically not allowed. For example last week at my job my boss was ranting on how he could spend Brittney Spears' money better than she could and how she is just a spoiled brat and that he doesn't like her. I just kind of stopped what I was doing and looked at him and said "You know, Jesus loves Brittney so I love Brittney". Now I know that I wouldn't have said anything of the sort three months ago.
This love that I now have can only come from God because God is love. It is not something that I could have made up.
There is a song that John Mayer sings called "Bold as Love". I enjoy singing the course, I am as Bold as Love. because God is Love! When you say that you are saying that you are as bold as God. as Jesus. How awesome to be as bold as Jesus and to do the things that Jesus has done.

John 14:12 I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the father.

I am so thankful for this new love in my heart.

I will do the things that he has called me to because I honestly and truly love Him!